Post by EXY ! on Feb 19, 2010 19:12:28 GMT -5
I'll lay it out for you, I dream to be an author xD What do you guys think of this piece of writing so far?
Prologue
Chaos. That was the only way to describe it. The fire flared across the land like some kind of wild beast. It lapped scarlet at the spruce and the uncovered night sky was dotted with sparks. The flames were circling like a predator, about to pounce. My heartbeat was louder than my panting breath by then. Suddenly, a flame in the shape of a wolf bounded in front of me, stopping only several strides away. Its brilliant black eyes pierced through me, and its breath scorched my fur. I heard one voice. “Leave…”
Aumek’s eyes flew open. Her silver body shuddered with each beat of her pounding heart. Her silver fur was drenched with sweat. Each amber eye was wide with pain and shock. She had just awakened from a nightmare, not the first from the past few nights. Her memories were filled with dreams she could not wake up from.
Sunlight was just beginning to stream through the wide entrance to the rock cave that housed her pack, a rocky outcrop in the side of a mountain. Dawn had just arrived and birds chirped in song as they rose from their nests. Aumek had almost forgot- it was spring now.
The she-wolf struggled to her paws and stretched, rubbing her small, curved claws against the stony floor. She then returned to normal posture and bounded out the cave mouth in one leap, amazed at what greeted her.
It was spring in its full wake. The naked trees flailed long, narrow fingers in the warm breeze and grass the color of an emerald poked through the melting snow. Nearby, Aumek could smell a family of hares emerging from their dens for a first whiff of the newfound life. She couldn’t help but sigh, breathing in the beautiful moment as the sun peaked over the mountain.
The second was ruined all too quickly when a voice came from behind her. “Come on, Aumek! Father says I can go hunting today!” Aumek’s younger brother, Rolan, stifled a yawn as he poked his classic wolf-colored muzzle out of the cave. He was a full year younger than her, and his head only reached her shoulder.
Aumek twitched an ear, lazily, and let her pale fur whip in the wind for a moment more before she spoke. “Why should I come, Rolan, if you’re going to bother me?” She joked.
“You’ll do as I say, and I say, you come.” A deeper, older voice came from the darkness of the den and Aumek turned to see her father and the alpha, Marrok, stretch his neck out the den, soon followed by his gaunt, battle-scarred body. Marrok and his mate, Lyall, were the parents of seven pups, born to three litters. Aumek was born in the middle litter. Her older brothers, Roka and Skar, were the second ranked of the pack.
At her father’s reply, Aumek sighed. “Fine, Father, I was joking.”
Before any could reply, Roka and Skar emerged from the den side by side. They looked odd, as Roka was the color of midnight yet his twin was white as the snow itself. They were both great fighters, and the pride of their father. Behind them came Rella and Syl, two fluffy white pups that were born at the same time as Aumek. Last in the ranking line came the newest pups, barely a year old. They were Rolan and Noral, both mottled grey colored males. It was a large family, especially considering one day the males would take mates.
I would LOVE some constructive criticism.
Prologue
Chaos. That was the only way to describe it. The fire flared across the land like some kind of wild beast. It lapped scarlet at the spruce and the uncovered night sky was dotted with sparks. The flames were circling like a predator, about to pounce. My heartbeat was louder than my panting breath by then. Suddenly, a flame in the shape of a wolf bounded in front of me, stopping only several strides away. Its brilliant black eyes pierced through me, and its breath scorched my fur. I heard one voice. “Leave…”
Aumek’s eyes flew open. Her silver body shuddered with each beat of her pounding heart. Her silver fur was drenched with sweat. Each amber eye was wide with pain and shock. She had just awakened from a nightmare, not the first from the past few nights. Her memories were filled with dreams she could not wake up from.
Sunlight was just beginning to stream through the wide entrance to the rock cave that housed her pack, a rocky outcrop in the side of a mountain. Dawn had just arrived and birds chirped in song as they rose from their nests. Aumek had almost forgot- it was spring now.
The she-wolf struggled to her paws and stretched, rubbing her small, curved claws against the stony floor. She then returned to normal posture and bounded out the cave mouth in one leap, amazed at what greeted her.
It was spring in its full wake. The naked trees flailed long, narrow fingers in the warm breeze and grass the color of an emerald poked through the melting snow. Nearby, Aumek could smell a family of hares emerging from their dens for a first whiff of the newfound life. She couldn’t help but sigh, breathing in the beautiful moment as the sun peaked over the mountain.
The second was ruined all too quickly when a voice came from behind her. “Come on, Aumek! Father says I can go hunting today!” Aumek’s younger brother, Rolan, stifled a yawn as he poked his classic wolf-colored muzzle out of the cave. He was a full year younger than her, and his head only reached her shoulder.
Aumek twitched an ear, lazily, and let her pale fur whip in the wind for a moment more before she spoke. “Why should I come, Rolan, if you’re going to bother me?” She joked.
“You’ll do as I say, and I say, you come.” A deeper, older voice came from the darkness of the den and Aumek turned to see her father and the alpha, Marrok, stretch his neck out the den, soon followed by his gaunt, battle-scarred body. Marrok and his mate, Lyall, were the parents of seven pups, born to three litters. Aumek was born in the middle litter. Her older brothers, Roka and Skar, were the second ranked of the pack.
At her father’s reply, Aumek sighed. “Fine, Father, I was joking.”
Before any could reply, Roka and Skar emerged from the den side by side. They looked odd, as Roka was the color of midnight yet his twin was white as the snow itself. They were both great fighters, and the pride of their father. Behind them came Rella and Syl, two fluffy white pups that were born at the same time as Aumek. Last in the ranking line came the newest pups, barely a year old. They were Rolan and Noral, both mottled grey colored males. It was a large family, especially considering one day the males would take mates.
I would LOVE some constructive criticism.
